Have you broke up with your girlfriend/boyfriend but still have feelings for her and want to get your ex back?
It’s not uncommon to have feelings for your ex and realize that you have feelings for them. But asking your ex to get back to them can get scary since you don’t know how they will react.
Tips To How To Get Back With Ex
By learning from your past mistakes, taking your time to assess the problems, and becoming a better version of you, there is a possibility that your ex will say yes to get back to you.
Below are some tips that you can follow to win your ex back.
Assess Your Breakup
Before you even try to get back to your ex, you need to first find out who was most responsible for the breakup.
Most breakups don’t happen all of a sudden. They build up over time. You might even saw signs that it was eventually going to happen.
Think calmly and take your time to find out all the problems that were going on in your relationship. It takes a lot of time and energy to get back to your ex. Make sure that you are not wasting it.
The communication problem is said to be one of the most common reasons for relationship breakups. Such problems can be fixed by having an open discussion and setting a clear expectation of your relationship.
But if the problem is related to jealousy, insecurity, or even infidelity, then you can take up counseling and work through them.
Recall Your Breakup
Who was the person who initiated the breakup? Was it you? Was it your partner? Or was it a mutual decision?
If it was you, then did you think carefully before deciding to break up or did you make the decision out of anger? If your partner decided to break up, then was there any specific reason behind it?
Finding answers to these questions is very important to find out why the breakup happened in the first place.
Getting back to your ex might be easy if you were the one who decided to break up and your ex was against the decision.
Have Emotional Clarity
Your breakup can easily put you in a state of pain and confusion where you will misunderstand your emotional feelings and loneliness as an excuse that you need your ex back in your life.
Most people experience such feelings along with guilt and depression. Such feelings tend to be more on couples who had a serious relationship and spent time with each other for a long time.
More serious relationships tend to have the worst breakups whereas casual relationships cope up easily. But just because you had serious feelings doesn’t mean that you need to get back to your ex.
Before you even attempt to get back to your ex you need to answer a few questions for yourself. Do you really miss your ex or do you just miss having a partner? Did your ex make you feel happy and more secure when you were together?
Can you imagine spending your life with your ex in case you get back together? Can you still be in love with the person even after the initial excitement of a relationship is worn off?
If you are just looking for a partner to avoid being alone and the excitement of being in a relationship then it is better to look elsewhere and have a much healthier relationship.
You must be 100% sure if you want to get back with your ex for long term to avoid any pain going further.
Couples who get back together after a breakup often suffer from trust issues which again leads to repeated breakups. Hence it is important to take your time after the breakup to bring clarity to your emotions and decide whether you really want to be with your ex again.
No Contact Period
This is the time after a breakup where you will not contact your ex to help you come back to your senses due to all the pain, anger, and confusion that happened during the breakup.
If your ex doesn’t want to talk to you, no matter what you do or say will not change anything. The no contact period will give both of you enough time to calm down and focus on yourself.
Avoiding contact is not to make your ex miss you. This period will give you enough time to prepare yourself mentally if you want to get back to your ex or enter into a new relationship.
Use this time wisely to focus on yourself and be a better individual. Work on areas where you think you are lacking. If you are the reason for the breakup then there is no other better time to work on yourself and be a better person.
The no contact period will also help you distinguish between your feelings, come out of your pain, and decide whether you want to be with your ex again.
Focus On You
Use the time out period to focus on yourself. Spend time with your friends. Indulge yourself in a new hobby or activity.
Do everything possible which will help you not remind of your ex. Don’t be the needy person who is constantly thinking of your ex or waiting to get back to your ex.
Studies have shown that people are more quickly to come out of grief who take their time to work on their inner self.
Avoid Contacting Your Ex
And by avoiding I’m saying no calling or texting your ex. You should not even ask others about them like how they are doing or whether they are seeing any other person.
It is important to avoid contact with your ex at least for a month. It’s okay to respond if your ex contacts you on their own.
Don’t try to hang up or refuse to talk when your ex tries to contact you. There is no need to play any kind of mind games or play hard to get at this point if you are trying to get back to your ex. It will only push them further away.
During this time if you see your ex seeing some other people don’t get jealous or try to hurt their relationship. Give your ex the choice to decide whether they really need you or want a new relationship. You cannot really force a person to be with you.
See If Your Ex Is Still Interested In You
Before you try to win your ex you need to first find out if they are still interested in you or not. If your ex still cares about you, it is a clear sign that you can still turn things in your favor.
There is no need to find out right away and you should not even send your friends to do your work. Wait for the no contact period to pass and then look out for hints when you run into them or in social media, etc.
Improve Your Self-Esteem
If you are a needy person then you are probably suffering from a lack of self-esteem. If you are thinking of getting back to your ex just because they make you feel better about yourself then you need to accept the fact that the only person who can make you feel better is yourself.
Feeling complete as an individual is very important when it comes to relationships rather than depending on someone else.
Concentrate on improving your self-esteem and also other areas of your life including emotional and social skills. Focus on being positive and see your life from a new perspective.
Find The Reason Your Ex Loved You For
Take a moment and think of the reasons your ex fell in love with you. Was it your sense of humor, your style, or your kindness?
Your ex saw something in you that made them fall in love with you. Try to rekindle the fire that you had before.
If you have changed a lot since your relationship started then it’s time to correct your mistakes. Be positive, smile a lot, and feel good about yourself. It will make you look attractive and make your ex feel good about themselves too.
Hit the gym, change your hairstyle, buy new clothes, and do things to make yourself look and feel fresh.
While this is not really a necessity to get back to your ex, bringing a change in your life will make you feel good, boost your confidence while also help in attracting your ex towards the new you.
Spend Time With Others
No, you don’t have to sleep with them. Try to meet new people and spend time with them. This will let your ex know that you are open to getting into a relationship again.
If your ex is still interested in you, they will step in and show that they are still interested in you. Even if you are not interested in dating, you can meet people of the opposite sex or even prefer to meet up in groups. Being with other single people can help ignite a spark in your ex again.
Be Friends With Your Ex
Just because you broke up with your ex doesn’t mean that you have to hate them and not talk ever again. If you are trying to get back to your ex you can start by being friends again.
Have drinks, go out for lunch or dinner, and do things that you would do with any friend. Make sure that the meets are casual and fun. Avoid any kind of serious talks.
Even if you are not in a relationship anymore make sure that your friendship is still intact. Every relationship is based on a strong foundation of friendship. This can help to rekindle the love that you had for each other.
Talk To Your Ex
Once you have spent enough time as friends with your ex, you can then take time to have an open and honest discussion with him/her. You can talk about your history together and also whether you can get back into a relationship again.
Even though texting or talking over the phone are common modes of communication, you should hold intimate discussions in person. You can invite your ex for lunch or dinner and talk to them.
Take Advantage Of Your Past
Before you meet your ex, think of all the beautiful memories that you spent with each other. You can take advantage of such moments and remind your ex of all the good times.
If your ex likes a certain outfit of yours, you can wear them when you meet her. You can also consider wearing any jewelry or accessory that they gifted you. It will give them a clear sign that you still have feelings for them.
Before you are ready to talk to your ex you need to prepare yourself what you will talk to him/her. Even a small wrong talk will hurt your chances of getting them back.
A safe way to starting your conversation is by letting them know that you want to talk about your relationship. You can express your regret for all the things that didn’t work between you two.
Try to get some perspective on what your ex feels about the breakup. Don’t get angry if their perspective doesn’t match with yours. Calmly listen to them.
If your ex tells that you that they are already moved on and seeing other people, then don’t waste your time trying to convince them to get back to you. On the other hand, if they still have feelings for you, you can slowly talk to them about the possibility of getting back together again.
Don’t Hesitate To Apologize
If you were responsible or contributed in a major way to the breakup and now trying to get back to your ex, then keep your ego aside and clear the air by giving a proper apology.
By taking responsibility for your actions without blaming your ex or giving out any kind of excuses you can show them you are learning from your mistakes and being a better person for them.
If your ex has also contributed to the breakup only apologize for yourself. You cannot apologize for someone else’s mistakes too.
Make sure that your apology is true and responsible. Whether your ex accepts the apology or not will show you how the conversation will move forward.
Work Towards Building Healthy Relationship
Communication problems are said to be one of the major reasons for breakups. If you believe that the reason behind your breakup is your inability to communicate then you need to work hard to communicate better with your partner.
When you are ready to get back with your ex, have a discussion, and set realistic expectations, especially in the areas where you had problems before your breakup.
Find The Reason Behind Breakup
Volatile and emotionally unstable relationships often end up in breakups. Find out the reason that caused the breakup in the first place and work on it to prevent them from happening again.
If there are issues where both of you disagree with each other, then tread lightly on such topics. If you have problems with insecurity, jealously, anger management, etc. realize that those issues will still be there unless you fix them.
Treat It New
Your first relationship was faulty and so it ended in a breakup. Once you win your ex back, don’t treat your relationship the same as before. Start treating your relationship as a new one.
Take this new relationship slow and don’t let your previous problems occur again. Whatever was lacking in your previous relationship, start introducing them into the new one.
Do not assume that you know your partner better and continue your relationship where you left off. Rebuild your trust with your partner. Get to know each other better. Take time to improve.
Take Up Counseling
If you were in a serious relationship or a married couple and want to get back together, you might consider taking up counseling to find out the root problem and solve them.
Also if you really want to get back into a relationship again, remember that you have to work hard than before to make your new relationship work.
What If Your Relationship Doesn’t Work?
Even though you have strong feelings for your ex, sometimes you are not just compatible with each other and you just have to accept the fact.
If you were in an abusive relationship both physically or mentally, it is better to move on and find a better person rather than win your ex back.
Not just an abusive relationship, if your partner does not respect you or is unfaithful to you such relationships don’t last long and will eventually break again.
Listen to your friends and family who will provide you emotional support and guide you during your tough times. If they don’t like your ex ask them why and look from their perspective.
If every approach from you has failed to win your ex back or you have decided to come out of the relationship, make sure that you are deciding after you have emotionally recovered from your breakup.
Forget the negative aspects of your previous relationships and look at how they have helped you grow as a better person. Accept the fact that you don’t want to be with your ex again and move on to find a new and healthy relationship once again.
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